I’m Exhausted
Let me start off by saying this is not at all a sympathy piece or a call for attention. Take it more like a rant or simply another creative voicing frustrations.
I’m a father of four, a husband, a basketball coach, and work a full time job as a banker. My passion is photography and want nothing more than sharing my art with the world. I feel I have a story to tell and want others to be a part of that.
Social media is this amazing tool that allows us to share and expose what we have been working on behind closed doors with the masses. The problem is that social media is also full of algorithms and computer code controlling what gets to those masses. If you are fortunate, you may have the occasional photo or reel go viral making you feel famous for a day. For the most part however, building a following and gaining exposure is an arduous process with many ups and downs. I can’t even tell you how many times I have declared my retirement and have sworn to never post again. Sad but true.
Why do likes and follows matter so much, you ask? That is a fair question. A fair question, with a difficult answer. To be creative and create something is one thing, but to be willing to put it out for others to see is an entirely different stress. Speaking personally, I have been creating for years before finally deciding to share with those around me. In fact, most of my friends don’t even know I am a photographer! Again, sad but true.
Once you take that step and put yourself out there, your gauge of what others think is how they respond. I am not speaking for all artists or creatives but for me, and I will undoubtedly say that it matters to me. It’s not an ego thing. Anyone that knows me as a person, knows that. It’s more of an acceptance thing. I want others to love what I have made. It’s that same feeling I got when I was five and wanted my Dad to notice that I had put my own dishes in the sink. Come to think of it, maybe my Dad didn’t notice enough and that’s why we’re here right now. Hahaha. Seriously though, I just want people to love what I am doing and to make a difference in some way.
Why the title of this blog post? Why am I exhausted? Well, I’m not physically. Photography is for the most part rather laid back. It’s mental exhaustion. It’s the exhaustion of constantly waiting for the perfect time to post. The exhaustion of posting the “perfect” shot. The exhaustion of touching someone with what you have posted. It’s the exhaustion of constantly thinking and hoping that others will appreciate what you are doing.
Many will read this and say “I could care less about what others think”, and that’s great. I don’t doubt that for a second. I know many others like you, but this is my blog and these are my feelings. Hahaha.
Since putting myself out there for others to judge, it has truly made me a better person. I try to follow and support as many artists as possible. It takes me seconds to post a comment on someone’s post that could truly make their day. Earlier this week, I had a direct message sent to me on Instagram. The guy said that he really enjoyed a reel that I had posted with video of the moon with a trendy song playing. What if I told you that I spent an entire hour creating that reel?! Trust me, if you watch it, it is nothing special to most. But for a select few, they will see that reel accompanied by that perfect music and it will move them. Like it moved me. I can honestly tell you every single photo and post that I have ever posted comes with much thought and passion. Remember that next time you troll someone’s post that is not up to your standards. They are likely doing the best that they can.
So, what’s the answer? Well, I will continue to grind and chase that positive feedback loop that we call social media. As long as I choose to play, nothing will change. I will continue to pick my favorite photo or reel every single day and post it to the masses. Post by post, I can only hope to grow my followers and reach more and more people. That is the goal. To make a difference in people’s lives one photo at a time.